It’s Monday morning, and to be honest with you… I’m not coming to you in this post with an upbeat approach to mental health care. To be completely frank, I’m not there today. I’ve had horrible anxiety for the last week, sleep schedule thrown off, appetite scarce, irritable as hell, and just downright uncomfortable in my own skin.
Life has indeed been a little chaotic for me recently (for more reasons than one) and managing my everyday while keeping my mental peace has been somewhat difficult. I’ve resorted back to my roots and I’ve come here to vent.
Journal Entry: I Can’t Wait To Be My Own Boss
1/20/2020
Do you ever just stop and really take a look at your life like a museum? I feel like I’ve been doing this unwillingly recently, like my mind is urging me to pay attention to something I can’t quite pinpoint. I’ve been making strides at my 9-4. I’m closing in on a year at my job, that’s two raises and two title promotions, I’m proud of that. Having spent my past years working in restaurants, being in a new field that allows me to grow and move up is what I’ve always wanted.
or so I thought.
I’ve reached a point in every job I’ve had over the last 4 years, where I start to get extreme anxiety before work every day. The mere thought of having these unwanted and sometimes unpleasant interactions with people makes my skin crawl. I know as adults, we kind of have to “bite the bullet” and just do what we have to do, but at what cost? The most beautiful, prime, energetic years of our lives… have to be spent depressed, self loathing, and ass kissing to make it in life. Disgusting. I keep having this idea that I’m going to start taking two mental health days off a month for myself. Because… why not?
The more I deal with people I don’t want to deal with and do things I don’t want to do, the more I feel like something as precious as my TIME is just slipping through my fingers. I had a conversation recently with a fellow creative about how we need a stable job, at least in the beginning to keep our passion projects afloat. And while yes, it’s very true… lets just take a moment to imagine a world where that wasn’t the case.
Am I the only one that day dreamed a whole city funded off of art and creative ventures?
At the end of the day, I am very aware that working a normal day job is just something we have to do as adults. Its the force behind our every day lives, its how we eat, take care of our families, and most of all, learn. We learn a lot about ourselves and how to react and engage with people that you didn’t choose to be around, solve problems, and potentially so much more when working in these professions. All helpful down the road, just like what you’re learning from dating all the wrong people in your twenties.
I think I have a few ideas that should be taken into account to make our professional lives easier…
For instance, better usage of our breaks/lunchtime. We lose a lot of time on our phones, whats an alternate that allows you to be present in the moment? Not even being corny, I was having a rough day recently, so I decided to spend my lunch break outside reading. When I came back in, my head was clear, and I felt way more efficient. Just needed something different than twitter for once.
Another idea that I mentioned before, was putting in time off requests at work for self care days versus calling out when you’re already at the point of snapping. Maybe a day you know in advance might be at an overwhelming point in the month. It also doesn’t have to be days, maybe just getting off early on a Friday or the opposite and letting yourself sleep in a little on Monday. But all time approved by work, so no chance of mess! The point is just taking back some control over your time and how you utilize it.
My last piece of advice, if you are in a job that makes you feel devalued as a person, shows you no potential signs of growth, and just straight up has a suffocating, unhealthy environment… MOVE ON. We are not tied to these corporations forever, there are options, explore them. No job is worth your mental health. Pay attention to your body, your reactions, your thoughts and know when its time to get out. I’ve left jobs more than once when I found myself hiding in closets and freezers having anxiety attacks. Practice self-awareness and know when enough is enough.
Looking for basic tips? Sleep well, eat well, learn when to say no, stretch frequently throughout the day, and go for walks outside!
FEEL GOOD RVA 