I want to use this post as a disclosure of sorts for my head space over the last few weeks. With a lot going on publicly and personally, I can’t deny that anxiety has somewhat taken the wheel again and is trying to run this newly well working train off of it’s tracks. Was that metaphor too much? Anyway, I’ve been kind of exhausted and easily overwhelmed, so if you pay close attention to my body language and recent activity:
- I’m not holding eye contact with you. (It makes me uncomfortable)
- I’m very fidgety, possibly even trying to walk away. (I kind of want you to stop talking now)
- I’m yawning a lot. (Again, EXHAUSTED)
- I’m hungry a lot (Stress eating… smh)
- And my least favorite, I’ve been drinking more. (Band-aids are supposed to help heal wounds right?)
So while normally my posts are geared towards helping you learn how to embrace yourself and be more present in your lives… that is the exact opposite of what I’ve been doing for myself. I should be honest about these things, my life is not all meditation sessions and eating kale. I’m a mental health advocate with mental health issues. I tell myself often its ok to not always be ok, but what matters is not allowing myself to stay in my slumps for too long. I’ve been kind of confused on the whole subject of “Am I really where I should be right now?” and while I’m well aware that answer is always yes, we are exactly where we should be in our own personal journeys. I can’t help but feel a bit uncomfortable. I feel like I definitely have enough time in the day, its more of a matter of finding the strength to use those hours to their full potential. I’ve been avoiding my next post for a week now, I wanted to do a write up on Live and Let Live and use great photos but I just haven’t been in the head space to do it. I would start a draft, get anxious about the horrible speech I gave, and then trash it. Moments like that are part of what drove me to create LLL, I wanted a push for people with crafts, for you to know your mind, voice, and hands hold something beautiful that should absolutely be done and shared with the world. And know that its alright if you don’t feel up to it sometimes, but tomorrow is a new day for you to wake up with a different energy and get back to doing what you’re passionate about. Let the laundry pile up for a couple days but now it’s time to clean up your space and yourself and get back to LIFE AND LIVING. I use the word “and” too much, Mrs. Wright would be disappointed.
Something else that’s been heavy on my mind as it so often is, my love life. Or should I say lack there of. With everything I have going on in my world, I’m without a doubt sure, God and The Universe are set on there not being enough time or energy for me to really be invested in anyone but my child and me. And that’s fine, I feel alone time in our 20-hood is essential to building who we are as individuals… BUT that doesn’t stop the moments of feeling lonely as hell. In more ways than that, my life decided to take an odd turn and just shed all of its cohabitants simultaneously, love life *poof* best friendships *poof* old job/coworkers *poof*, and here I am, quicker than I imagined, like a thief in the night a new era of my life has begun and I’m comfortably uncomfortable with it. I’m fine not knowing what tomorrow brings, it’s intriguing that at any moment I could meet someone else that will change my life. The next awesome networking opportunity or my next future best friend, it makes me nervous and excited for whats in store for me. I just have to get up and keep moving. Constant pep talks with myself, notes, & to-do lists to help me stay on track but also moments of being patient with myself and giving myself the necessary breaks I need in order to not overwhelm me. I have great potential but I am not wonder woman. Finding the balance is key.