After a pretty eventful and eye opening past week, I figured I would be quite inspired to write something grand. But now that its time to… I have nothing.
Disclosure: This post will be in sections due to me adding things over the course of time. This post will probably take me some time to complete.
Have you ever had a clear idea and plan for yourself that was beneficial but you still couldn’t apply it to your life and actions? I’m starting to think my Aries character traits are more prevalent than I thought before. I’m very eager and excited about things. I want things to happen fast and when I want them… even though thats not always whats best for me. I get discouraged when things don’t go my way, even end up beating myself up a lot.
There honestly isn’t a whole lot of self love here.
But I recognize… and will acknowledge… that… instead of putting more effort into learning to love myself, I put that effort into finding someone else to do it for me.
God, I know. I NEED TO BE ALONE.
Deep down… I crave love from someone else. I crave praise, reassurance, comfort…
all things that I could learn to give myself, but I subconsciously refuse.
I am a very sensitive person. In more ways than one. I’m sensitive towards people, towards how they perceive me, what they say to me, what energies they’re emitting.
It’s all…. exhausting… to care that much
So why do I feel so inclined to torture myself?
Why do I feel that relationships and friendships are necessities? Are they?
This is not easy to get through.
I am very anxious.
It’s been a trying and difficult process, learning to be ok with being on my own more. Even more so trying, feeling like I don’t have the same sense of friendship that I’ve had in the past. Not as many… non-emotionally triggering distractions.
I don’t even think I want to post this anymore.
I’m confident that with giving myself time, I will get to a position in my life where everything will fall into place, its a matter of getting myself patient enough to be ok with that.
Why do I feel the need to be so in control of everything? Why can’t I be content with the fact that I’m in my divine place for a reason?
I make plans that are perfect and then ignore them.
I’m smart and enlightened, why don’t I act more like it?